A repost for the non-myspace crowd.

And then a wedding speech.

Congrats to the Sebrings.
They're still in Vegas honeymooning it up.

I did offer to write their wedding vows for them.
-Mmmhmm.
-Sure.
Glad they were wise enough to realize I was joking an' declined.
'Specially w/ the speech.
Cuz it probably would've turned out to be something like this:

First off, I want to say congrats an' all that other good stuff to the newlyweds.
Now, we're all here to celebrate the joining of two lives an' the loss of one's sex life.
Because true love shouldn't be about sex.
It shouldn't be about blowjobs, titty-fucking, doggy-style, missionary, the 69 position, quickies, public "outings", motor-boating, how many fingers you can fit in a hole, or whatever exotic position you can grab out of the kama sutra.

No.
It's about the joining of two lives.
Not the joining of genitalia an' orifices.
Because sex is not the important factor here.
We're here to bare witness to the beautiful sight that is the joining of two souls to start off on a path of glorious discovery that is their new life together.

Not to be confused with the consummation of their marriage.
To make love, to do the horizontal mambo, to hide the salami, to vacuum the carpet, to get to the bottom of the mystery, to park the car in the garage, to play hide an' go seek, to moor the boat in the dock, to make Mr. Winkey happy, to round the bases, to spit in the cave, to tame the one-eyed monster, to ride the pole, to march the penguin, to tickle tiny tim, or to dip the spoon in the pudding.

It's not about sex tonight, and I'm not sure why it keeps coming up.
Because David and Lailani aren't single.

I am.
I didn't come here tonight with a date and that thin mattress on the floor of my apartment I call my bed could use some company tonight.

But in all seriousness, just look at these two an' the way they stare into each others eyes.
The insane amount of happiness they inspire each other with.
The same craziness that I wouldn't mind having.
To go beyond being coocoo for cocoa puffs an' find the mind-numbing madness that true love can inspire.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves for how happy you are together.
Not really.

Dave, Lailani, you both truly define what awesomeness is and I love you in the most manly, heterosexually way that's possible.
May your relationship last longer than a reality show couple an' spawn grandchildren to make your parents happy.
Cheers!
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Man it was hectic the past few days.
I'm running low on quotes again.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 25
The Random Quote:
"Shots rang out. As shots are wont to do." - Anonymous